Grief.

Assalamualaikumwarahmatullahiwabarakatuh.
Epal dan Pisang sekalian.

Just attended Appreciation Dinner of AllNighter. All the pitching ideas were great. It was like every single idea raised 'bout creepy, murder, suicide all those things. Wondering.. AllNighter is very synonym with these kind of genre? HAHAHA. I love it anyway. Plus, I really ship that you guys can come with an idea that.. Wowwww! It's a freaking crazy idea. Seriously, I ship Wan's idea. And guess what? He won. He won it tonight. 'Cause I like the concept. I just love that. Anyway thanks for the yummy foods. *dancing* I've told you, even I got 10 ulcer in my mouth, if it's about free foods, I'll come. Feel like an alien since I can't talk normally and properly. 6 ulcers. Can you imagine? During my first day, seriously I can't even talk to anyone. Just, "Hmm.", "Aaa." Nodding or shaking. But still wanna eat Mee Kari, Mee Celup. All spicy foods 'cause I don't even know that the one who suffer ulcer, shouldn't eat spicy. Hoyeahh~ No wonder it become bigger. HAHAHA. Went to Clinic and sobsob.. There's no medical officer on duty. Okay fine.

*

I thought that tiring, hectic and exhausted week has left me behind. But in reality, I'm facing the most miserable events throughout this week. Like seriously. I just planning to release my everything.. Wanna go shopping, well at least window shopping, to eat here and there. Yeah. Celebrating my achievement. My own achievement by involving in such things. Lalalala. Indeed. ALLAH's plan is better than us, human being. My phone committed suicide. This is not funny. It's sudden death syndrome. I'm not feeling so well, got sore throat, migraine. I got 6 ulcers in my mouth and my lips swollen. The struggle to brush your teeth is.. I don't know how to describe. At least I went through this after the play, Alhamdulillah. Know what the most heartbreaking things that I need to face is? My dearest baby Manja was gone. That's the most shattered thing ever happen to me this week.

3 years old baby that will missing during Ramadan and come back 1 or 2 days before Eid. Seriously, for the past 2 years you did that my dear. 

This is before we went back to Kampung and sent you to Cik Ani. But then you disappear out of nowhere.

Then, when we returned home, you appeared. Eiii. Nakal.

Why we called you 'Manja'? HAHAHA. Because you're too timid. If you saw anybody that's not familiar, you'll run away and hide. You only want Mak. You'll searching for Mak. Tha's why you're Manja. 

The similarities between me and you. We both love to sleep. We can sleep all the day. We both love cakes so much. We're not fussy. We hate lights during our sleep. We love bolster. We are runner, yeah, we can run faster than others. And, obviously we understand each other. But we different in a thing which is, I love to eat at any time but you will eat if you're hungry.

"Eiii. Don't open the light."

Basically, he'll turn around and cover his eyes whenever I switch on the light. He's good at following people I guess 'cause that what I did when people switch on the light when I'm sleeping.

There's one day that you're having fever. You don't wanna eat and all. I was at CFS at that moment. Ayah asked Adik to buy Apollo since he loves cake. Guys, he recovered. Who knows that a piece of cake can make him better. So funny.

His sick face. Don't want to eat. Don't want anything. Eiii gedik. HAHAHA.

He went missing for the first time during Ramadan and same goes to previous year. He went missing during Ramadan and suddenly about 2 days before Eid, he came back. Hesyhh~ Kidding around. HAHAHA. 

Abu behind there. Hi Abu. *waving*

This kid really.. He returned as well as I'm back from KL. Yeahh~ How sweet you are. Amboiii. Nak hilanghilang sangat. Actually, he's being traumatized because Pak Ngah's cat, Perang is unsatisfied with him. Perang wanna be 'Abang Kawasan'. Naaaah~ He can only be the 'Abang Kawasan' if Panda is not around. R.I.P. to Panda. He's long gone. He suffered Maggots. And sorry Panda, it's too late for me to treat you better. Manja always being chased by Perang and went back with wounds over there and here. That's the reason he rarely go out. Introvert. HAHA.

He's a loving brother. Look at him and his baby brother, Abu. HAHA. Siap alaskan kepala.

This is the latest one. He's thinner right? Actually he suffered Maggots too. And all the worms have been removed and his legs were just fine. It's fine. But I don't know what he's suffering after that. God. If only I can feel and understand his pain. If only I can give the best treatment for him.

Manja, you've promised me right? Kakak will come back and make your favourite cake. 'Cause that day Kakak really can't make it. Just make tarts for you. Kakak just left one of my chocolate cake for you. You've promised to get better. So, Manja can sleep with me on the bed again. And take one of my bolster. I won't fight, take back and whatever, I have 2. We share. I want to see your hoping face and I want to tease you during your meal time. Kakak wanna go back this week dear. Why? Can't you wait for Kakak? 

*taking deep breath*

ALLAH loves you more than Kakak. What's the point you're living but suffer a lot. Rest there my baby. Don't forget Kakak. Really sorry because Kakak won't able to be by your side. I'm sorry couldn't make a special cake for you. I'm sorry for the moment that you're hoping Kakak was the one that feeding you. You're mewing while looking at Adik. Asking something. And Adik replied, "Kakak takde. Dah balik KL. Makan ni dulu." You stopped mewing and slowly ate. You miss me. I miss you even more dear. Kakak never forget to ask Mak or Ayah or Adik 'bout you. I love you so much.

A mother always want the best for her children.. She never want any of her child being in a sorrow state. Yeah, which mother want her child to keep crying and sad and all that? My Mak always hide something that I must know. My lost cat. My died cat. She'll never told me. Because her answer will be, "Nanti Kakak nangis macam mana." "Mak taknak lah Kakak nangis." Weh, I was on the phone with Mak that day. telling her 'bout my phone, all those things but she didn't mentioned about Manja. And all of sudden Ayah WhatsApp me. I said, "Mak tak cakap apa pun masa Kakak call." I got the same answer then, "Mak takut Kakak nangis lah tu." "Ni Ayah suruh Adik ambil gambar takut Kakak tak percaya. Tanam kat pokok belimbing. Kesian dia ingat kat Kakak." 

If only I can bring you here.. 

Suddenly I saw a scar on my hand while typing this. The scar that reminds me to your pain during that night when Mak and I was trying to pull out the worms from your leg. You're saying that, "Kakak. It's hurt. Help me."

Maggot is like 'kencing manis' for human. Usually animals used to suffer maggots. Cows, goats, cats.. 

" A maggot is the larva of a fly (order Diptera); it is applied in particular to the larvae of Brachyceran flies, such as houseflies, cheese flies, and blowflies, rather than larvae of the Nematocera, such as mosquitoes and Crane flies. " Google, 2016

Rest In Peace, 

Manja.